Blind Run RWBY Abridged
by Harosata
Summary: The RWBY story for those who want to know the basics. Really. See my honest face? Oh wait, this is a fanfic site. Yeah, just trust me because everything in this story is true.
1. Welcome to Smash

((I have decided to ease into writing fanfiction. TheOtaku4 already wrote a fanfiction abridged version, though that only felt like he switched out the words. Anyway, even if there is already an abridged version on Youtube, here's my take on it. Will need to catch up to the current volume.))

* * *

_In this world, there are Grimm, monsters that hunt down humans. Humans eventually discovered Dust and fought back. However, you're not here for the story. You just want to see 3D girls and their weapons do crazy shit._

A girl in a red hood was in the back of a store actually reading a weapon magazine. "Oh yeah, that's hot."

_No, not that kind of crazy shit. This kind of crazy shit._

Imagine a montage of Monty Oum's past works like Haloid and Dead Fantasy. Yeah, Master Chief just had a boner.

_If you want this and more, go watch the actual series on Roosterteeth or Youtube. This is an abridged series and the action just takes up too much time. Go on, it's much more entertaining than this version._

* * *

The camera zooms down to a gentlemanly thief **(Torchwick)** who enters a store. This store is filled with crystals, and of course, the counter is run by an old man.

"Can I help you?" The old man asks.

"I want the Dust." Torchwick asked nicely with a touch of malice.

"Oh, you're the cleaning maid?" The old man wonders with a bit of fear.

"Dust!" Torchwick clarified. "The stuff that looks like Materia and colored crack but isn't! Definitely isn't. Now give me the one that looks like a ruby!"

A girl in the back **(Ruby)** turns around. "Did someone say my name?"

Torchwick looks at a mook. "You. Get rid of that assumingly weak girl."

The mook approached Ruby.

Seconds later, the mook was kicked out of the window, and then Ruby jumped outside, unfolding her massive rifle-scythe.

**RUBY RIDES INTO BATTLE!**

* * *

_And then she is suddenly in a snowy field battling shadow wolves. But this is not a scene from a trailer but gameplay videos of a RWBY fangame. It's so good that the RWBY people hired the fan to make an actual game._

_"Cool, I get to be in Smash!" Ruby explained as the battle went on._

_"No you're not." Weiss countered. "It's probably going to be another generic hack-and-slash."_

_"I just hope they get a good engine to show off the physics." Yang voiced out._

_"This product is not yet rated." Blake pointed out._

* * *

A riding crop **(Glynda)** slapped on the metal table in front of Ruby, who just realized she was inside a police station. "Who When What Went Where?"

"Ruby, you were just standing there while the thief escaped, and I had to fight a bad witch."

Ruby recovered. "Sounds awesome. Can we have a flashback of that?"

* * *

_The camera pans up the legs of the witch hiding in the helicopter's shadows __**(Cin-**_

* * *

Glynda slaps the table again. "No, you ham! We're not derailing this abridged series any further!"

"Oh come now, let's not break the fourth wall too much." A guy on a cane **(Ozpin)** walked into the room with a tray of cookies. "Want to join the Dark Side?"

"Sure." Ruby dug into cookies. "Hey, I know where this goes. You want to take me into your best school ever even though I'm still in junior high, where we'll fight bad guys and save the whole world."

Ozpin stared at her. "No, we were thinking about a team of princesses. We got Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, and Cinderella, but Disney's been hounding us about copyright issues."

"Then why don't you just do fairy tales instead?" Ruby pointed out.

* * *

"I guess he likes the idea." Ruby thought to herself as she was on the airship now.

"Hello, Ruby!" A girl with blond hair and big assets ran up to her.

"Hello, sister with an oddly different last name." Ruby greeted back. "Say, what have you been doing lately?"

_Cue flashback of Yang squeezing a guy's balls._

"Oh, nothing that will affect the storyline in the foreseeable future."

Then the news popped up with a hologram of a purple-haired lady. "Here's what you need to know. The White Fang are a bunch of animal-people who do terrorist things, and Roman Torchwick is a Dust thief. Since he's human, those two are not going to work together."

Glynda's hologram popped in. "Also, the school's name is Beacon."

"Oh, that's good to know." Yang looked at Ruby. "So, ready to kick butt?"

"I don't want to kick butt." Ruby pouted. "I just want to have a slice-of-life life. Like Tenten in Naruto."

"Wrong anime, dattebayo." Yang looks out the window, and Ruby follows her gaze. They had finally arrived at the academy. "Well, we're finally here. A new school with an life full of danger and excitement 'Beacons' us."

Then someone hurled all over her shoes.


	2. Schnee-Delites

A guy **(Jaune)** was busy puking into the trashcan as Yang and Ruby walked past him. Yang mused as she turned to Ruby. "I guess since we're here, we can accomplish our dreams."

"Okay. I'm going to do my dream and build a harem!" Ruby goes chibi as people walked by. "I'll sleep with the trident there, and with twins Nun and Chuck-"

"Weapon collections are not a harem." Yang pulled her sister back. "Seriously, Ruby, you need a boyfriend."

More puking from Jaune offscreen. "...Or a girlfriend."

"No way, Yang! Crescent Rose and Ruby forever!" Yes, Ruby just shipped herself with her own weapon.

"You spent a lot of time making that weapon." Yang remembered.

Ruby continued to hug her scythe. "Yep."

"A shame if something were to happen to it." Yang noted as a Minecraft Creeper walked towards them.

"What?" Cue explosion. The resulting explosion caused Ruby to fall into a cart full of luggage.

"Sorry to leave you in the 'Dust'!" Yang shouted as she was carried away by more Creepers.

A girl in white **(Weiss)** angrily looks down at Ruby. "Hey! Don't you know what you ruined?"

"Um, Grade-A Dust that's exclusive to CEOs?" Ruby guessed.

"No, you twit!" Weiss shakes a bottle of 'Dust' around. "These are special ingredients for the world-famous Schnee-Delite Bar!"

* * *

_What would you do for a Schnee-Delite Bar?_

_A cat girl stood on top of a tree._

_Would you rob a heavily-armed train?_

_She immediately vanishes and starts attacking the train._

* * *

"Um, I don't think people actually do crazy things for those bars." Ruby pointed out.

"Oh, they do." The not-cat girl showed up **(Blake)**. "It's the best chocolate that Schnee Industries makes."

Weiss nodded. "See?"

"It's also how they tricked Faunus-es into working for them for free." Blake added.

"We hire Oompah Loompahs." Weiss corrected. "Get it right."

"Um, I still don't think Schnee-Delite Bars make you do crazy things." Ruby butted in.

"Blow her up." Blake commanded, holding up a Schnee-Delite Bar. Then Ruby exploded Weiss with her nose.

"Ew! I got explosive snot on me!" Weiss was about to leave. "And give that back."

Blake reluctantly handed Weiss the 'jar of chocolate dust'. The girls then left.

"Um, what just happened?"

"Alright, I finished...uh, inspecting the trashcan." The guy **(Jaune)** walked up to Ruby.

"Hey, aren't you the guy that puked on the airship earlier?" Ruby asked.

"Oh, no! This is my first time appearing on the camera." Jaune lied. "Oh yeah, the prop guy wanted me to give you this."

Seconds later, Ruby was cuddling Crescent Rose again. She soon found herself blushing. "Th-thanks. So, what kind of weapon do you use?"

"Oh, just a laser-spewing chainsaw that makes waffles." Jaune pulled out a sword. "...It's stuck in stealth mode."

"Right..." Ruby and Jaune continued to walk around the school...and walking...and they have no idea where they were going.

Then Ryoga shows up. "Where the hell am I?"


	3. Korean Dollars

Headmaster Ozpin stood on a stage that overlooked the auditorium. "Greetings. Students will be sleeping in the dorms. Since you're not officially students yet, you will all sleep in the cafeteria. All the teachers will be occupied keeping an eye for any misconduct in the dorms, so that means no one will be watching the cafeteria. I just want to emphasize that there will be no gender barriers, no curfew, and no one to watch you."

Yang could already imagine hot studs in boxers.

"I would also like to point out that that you will be eating in the cafeteria for the next four years, so if you're eating on a table that you had an orgy on, think on it."

And then some guy walked up in a onesie in her imagination. Yang cringed.

* * *

Ruby blushed. "Sorry, Jaune, I like cookies more than I like you."

Jaune was confused even as Ruby walked away. "Wait, did she react to me wearing a onesie in her sister's imagination? Maybe I should just sleep without it."

Behind him, a girl in spartan armor **(Pyrrha)** blushed up a storm.

Yang looked over to her sister, who stood nearby a bit peeved. "You mad?"

"Three episodes in and I haven't fought anyone yet." Ruby complained. "I mean, in the other animes, the guys fight on the first day of school, and they're not even fighters."

Examples of school animes include Rosario+Vampire and Familiar of Zero. Feel free to add in other examples, even if the guy can clearly fight.

"Come on, it can't be that bad." Yang tried to reason.

"Dead Fantasy has fighting every episode. I expect fighting every episode. I didn't sign up for the story, especially if this turns out to be a slice-of-life where I have to be bullied by a flat-chested snobby girl every day." Ruby paused. "She's behind me, isn't she."

"Yes."

"Oh god!" Ruby jumped into Yang's arms. "She's gonna bully me!"

"No, I figured bullying would waste everyone's time. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones." Weiss pulled out an order form for chocolate. "After you order enough candy from my company to qualify for free shipping and handling."

Ruby blinked. "How much for the free shipping?"

"10..._K dollars_." Weiss quickly said.

"Okay, I'll put that on a credit card." Ruby turned to Yang. "That's Korean dollars, right?

_'What a 'bittersweet' victory.'_ Yang thought to herself.

Ruby smiled at Weiss. "So, does that mean we're friends?"

"I like you as much as you like that guy." Jaune realized Weiss was talking about him.

"Yay!" Ruby cheered.

"Which means I care more about chocolate than I do about you." Weiss clarified.

Ruby stared back. "You are a mean lady."

* * *

_Credits play._

* * *

Blake was reading her book. "Welcome to Blake's silent corner. You might be asking, Blake, how did you end up as friends with them?"

The camera zooms out to show all four girls in their nightwear. "Here's my answer."

And she blew out the candle.

* * *

_Credits play again.  
_

* * *

Jaune walked up to Weiss. "So, since I got dumped by Ruby, does that make you my new love interest?"

Weiss facepalmed.

And Pyrrha glared at them like an American Psycho.


	4. Angry Birds

_Weiss was plotting away, a storm brewing behind her._

_"Oh, Jaune thinks he can be my boyfriend. Well, he can't have me. I'm too popular and pretty to be paired with a pretty boy like him. That's right, I'll pick a handsome boy, and then I'll kick Ruby off from the title. And I know just the boy who also has an R in his name, so no one will notice the title of this show has changed."_

_"And it's not Russell."_

* * *

"Gah!" A handsome boy in green robes (Ren) woke up quickly.

"Hi Ren!" The pink terror (Nora) greeted him. "Listen, I think we got a problem..." 

* * *

**In the bathroom...**

"So I did the math, and they usually give more screen time to main couples, and judging from the title, there's two couples in a team..." 

* * *

**At breakfast...**

"And, mn, yum, if you think about it, we're like the side-couples of the side-team. Oh, this pancake is good..." 

* * *

**In the locker room...**

"So anyway, why don't we just change the script and start our own team? You can be the R, and I'm a U when I'm upside-down..."

Ren pulls out a remote and lowers the volume. He continues to work on his pistol-daggers.

* * *

Pyrrha and Weiss were at a different part of the locker room.

"So, how about you just add a little stroke to the first part of your name and we can get on the same team together?"'

"Er, how about you tell me why you're not changing your...future team's name?"

"Then we'll become Team WooBY or PWBY, and those names suck."

Pyrrha considered it. "When you put it that way, I guess I'll be Ryrrha."

_"Excellent." _Weiss thought as thunderclouds formed behind her._ "Give me a lame trailer, will you? Once I kick Ruby off the team, I will become the star of the show. Nothing will stop me now! Mwahahaha!"_

"Hi!" Jaune broke Weiss's inner monologue, with Pyrrha blushing behind him. "So, what are you guys talking about?"

"About how you would be demoted to being an extra." Weiss deadpanned. "I bet she'll become more popular than you."

Jaune stares at Pyrrha. "Nice to meet you, Kushina Uzumaki."

Weiss shakes her head. "Wha-No! She has a sword that becomes a rifle."

"Yoko Gurren Lagaan?" Jaune guessed.

"Try going west a bit." Weiss suggested.

Jeopardy time. Jaune was thinking very hard. As he was thinking, a cereal box materialized around Pyrrha. In universe, this cereal brand plastered famous people on its cover. There were also more arrows and letters saying 'Starts with a P'. Now Jaune knew the answer. "Lily Potter!" 

* * *

Jaune was speared to a wall. "Not Lily Potter?"

"I think you got the 'point' now." Yang told him. 

* * *

Soon, all the students were at the cliff, lining up on tiles.

"Okay, we've been getting complaints about the lack of action in this show." Ruby was in Glynda's glare. "So we'll send you into the Forest of Death."

"Isn't that in Naruto?" Jaune asked.

Glynda stared at him. "Fine. It's actually called the Forest of Wolves That Hunt Down Little Girls."

"What?" Ruby's idea of a fun time shattered.

"Alright, this is your entrance exam and this is how it works." Ozpin put up a crappy map as he drew the plan. "You are going to be deposited into a random location inside the forest. There, you will make your way North, grab the relic, and then head back to the academy. If you don't make it back, then you are an unimportant character and we save money not animating you. Of course, we also have an alternate written exam back in our safe classrooms. Are there any takers for that?"

Jaune raised his han-

"No takers then." Ozpin watched everyone assuming launching positions. "It's a good thing everyone went to hunting school before. Especially you, Jaune Arc."

_After a glance at Nora, Glynda starts to play Angry Birds. She launches the pink bird from the slingshot._

"Yeah..." Jaune hesitated.

_After Yang put on her shades, Glynda launches the yellow bird, which activates a burst of speed and zooms overhead._

"About that..." Jaune started.

_Then she launches the red bird too._

"I think I need to take that written test NOOOOOOOOOO-"

_Glynda launches the tiny blue bird, which flies into a "tree" and fails to break it._

"Owch. Ow. The pain."


	5. Shortc-

((Azonic George: Mammoth Rider? Ah, I guess I probably should have watched them first, but too late.

And since I had to confirm the 5th episode, I just realized how short it was.))

* * *

_Back when Ruby was young and 2D, she was at her grandmother's house. "Grandma, why do birds make a lot of noise?"_

_Her grandma chuckled. "Oh, they're not making noise. They're screaming because they're afraid of heights. Now go and eat those cookies so that I can ea-er, "_

_And when Ruby looked at her grandmother's long snout, that's when she realized..._

* * *

"I'm a bird! I'm a bird!" Ruby screamed after she slammed into a another bird. "With a Scyther-Rifle!"

Using her scythe/rifle, she safely landed on the ground and then broke into a sprint.

"Okay, Ruby, remember the shortcut he told you." She thought, in stick figures, about the time she met a talking wolf.

_"If you ever get lost in a forest, don't use the direct path. Go over the river and through the woods, and straight through the barnyard gates." And when she thought about that path, the animated wolf ran straight to her grandmother's house..._

"Wait a minute..." She skidded to a stop. She just spotted Weiss. "Buddy system!"

Weiss turned around and walked away.

"Come on! It's dangerous to go alone! Take me!"

"Wha?" Weiss looked back. She was certain Ruby had only been behind her and not in her face. "Weren't you just...nevermind. Alright, fine! We'll travel together if you're so persistent."

Ruby grinned as she leaned on Weiss. "Great! I'm gonna let the original know. Shadow Clone cancel!"

"Shadow clone what?" Weiss watched Ruby disappear into petals. "Seriously? What else can go wrong?"

**Forest Full of Wolves that Eat Little Girls**.

And Weiss realized the glowing red eyes and the darkening atmosphere is not a good sign either. "...Please be gentle."

* * *

Jaune groaned, pinned to a tree by a spear through his hood. "Great going, Jaune. You're gonna get eaten alive because someone saved you from falling to your death. At least no one's here to poke fun at-"

* * *

"Just 'hang' tight!" Yang shouted as she shot herself over the trees.

* * *

"Dammit!" Jaune looked down and saw Pyrrha blushing. "Hey, you mind helping me down?"

Pyrrha keeps looking at him and smiling. Jaune was admittedly unnerved. "Pyrrha?"

"Let's make the pairing official." She said.

Jaune blinked. "What does that even-"

**End episode.**


	6. Calming Music

Yang wandered through the forest, alone. "Hello? Is anyone here? Ruby? Creepers?"

She peeked through the bush. "Saucy couples?"

She immediately jumped back as two bears burst through the bush. "Woah! Guess you don't want me peeking at your 'honey'."

She defended herself against the bears as they swung at her. "You guys are trying to make this 'unbearable', aren't you?"

She stepped back as a claw almost got her. "How are you gonna get out of this...'hairy'...situation..."

Yang watched as a single strand of golden hair fluttered down. Flashes of when she fought the patron of the night club, when the patron grabbed a chunk of her hair, and when she visited Fred the Barber. She closed her eyes, and her eyes turned red.

The bears only had a second to look at each other. _"Ruh oh."_

* * *

**The following scene was considered too violent. Please enjoy some calming music along with Ren fighting a giant snake.**

* * *

Pyrrha and Jaune were making their way through the foliage. "Thanks for helping me down, Pyrrha."

"No problem." Pyrrha replied as she blushed. "I won't let any harm come to you as long as you stick by me."

Pyrrha pushed past a branch, which whipped back and struck Jaune on the cheek. "Ow!"

"Oh, sorry!" Pyrrha turned around, seeing blood on his cheek. "Don't worry, your aura should be able to close that up."

"Alright." Jaune thought about it. "That's the magic stuff Glynda does, right?"

"No, that's an advanced application of Dust." Pyrrha corrected.

"Oh." Jaune thought he understood now. "So, it's a kind of superpower."

"That's Semblence...And no, Aura is not a Pokemon move." Pyrrha watched Jaune close his mouth. "Aura is..."

**Aura is the element of life that exists in everyone. By itself, Aura can augment the user's body to make it more physically fit and to heal minor injuries. Aura can also be extended to trigger Dust reactions and weapon mechanics without moving your hand, and with enough control, Aura can be used alone to defeat the Grimm. On a related topic, the Grimms are the only creatures that do not possess Aura, and it is suggested that they hunt humans because Aura is a food source to them. The color of a person's Aura may suggest a relation to a person's Semblence or personality, though most people link the former. Most people are born with Aura locked at birth, so while they do not have the enhancements, Grimm will not seek them out yet. Aura can be unlocked by sheer training or by getting another person to force their Aura into your body. The Aura in your body will recognize this as an attack, but when your Aura grows to deal with this non-physical attack, your body then tells you to produce Aura to defense yourself, promoting a healthy Aura growth. Please note that Aura is not required to hold a combat position other than being a Hunter, and that while a Hunter with Aura is more fit, they have a shorter life expectency due to fighting Grimm.**

"Any more questions?" Pyrrha asked in a helium-injected voice. She then coughed to get her voice back to normal, having just spoke that block of text in five seconds. "Any more questions."

Juane thought about it. "Uh, this Aura-unlocking, is it painful?"

"Not at all." Pyrrha drew closer to him. "In fact, I'll make it enjoyable for you."

"Ruh oh." 

* * *

**The following scene was considered too hot. Please enjoy some calming music along with Ren fighting a giant two-head snake.**

"Oh, come on!" Ren shouted as the snake knocked him away. 

* * *

Weiss jumped back after she was nearly clipped by a Beowulf. "Calm down, Weiss. Remember your training."

_Ed: Position and pose starts by fanning your toes and placing your left foot right._

Weiss got into position, readying her blade, the revolver on her hilt changing to a red cartridge. She then charged at her foe, her weapon ablaze. **"Pretty Snow Angel Burning Rapier At-"**

"Hi!" Ruby popped up in front of Weiss.

**"Ack!" ** Weiss had to shift her attack, the ensuing fireball hitting some trees instead.

"Are you-oof!" Ruby was knocked back by the Beowulf into Weiss.

"I am not a magical girl nor am I a fan of the genre." Weiss quickly argued. "N-not that I know what the genre is."

"Don't worry, I won't tell." Ruby gets ready to fight. **"My turn! Super Grim Reaping Disastrous Rending Ultimate Super Awesome..."**

Weiss noticed the forest was burning. **"...Awesome Final Flashing Flash Striker Supreme..."**

"For the love of..." Weiss quickly dragged Ruby out of the burning forest.

**"...I Haven't Finished Saying My Attack Now Where Was I..." ** Ruby continued on. Say what you want, but the girl can be determined.

But had the girls stayed back, they would have noticed a feather drop to the ground. That feather was big enough to be compared to a tree. 

* * *

**The following bird was considered too large. Please enjoy some calming music along with Ren fighting a giant three-headed-**

Ren blew up the snake with a palm thrust.

**...Please enjoy some calming music along with Ren fighting a sloth.**

And Nora bopped him from a tree.

* * *

Yang paused as the last Ursa fell. Behind it, Blake had already lasso-stabbed it to death.

"Where were you?" Yang had to ask.

"You know, just ninja-ing into a scene at the last second." And with that, Blake ended the episode.


	7. Animation Budget

_((Apologies for the delay. If this chapter was not entertaining, I'm afraid the next one may be executed poorly since half of it is purely fighting.))_

* * *

Glynda walked up to Ozpin, who was still looking over the cliff. "Ms. Goodwitch, how are the students?"

Glynda had a hint of a blush before she switched the display from Jaune and Pyrrha to Flappy Bird. "Um, they're doing fine. But that Jaune, uh, I think he should be removed from a school and placed somewhere safe."

Ozpin took a sip of his coffee. "Look, unless Jaune faked his transcripts, he belongs to Beacon...as soon as he completes initiation, of course."

"I understand..." Glynda turned to leave. "Good thing you decided not to use my priceless chess set this year, right?" 

* * *

"This looks priceless." Yang picked up a white knight piece. "Man, if I actually owned this, I'll punch anyone who tries to use it like this."

"Right." Blake agreed. 

* * *

Ozpin was strangely quiet. 

* * *

Meanwhile, Jaune and Pyrrha were walking inside a cave. "Jaune, are you sure the relic is this way?"

"Of course I'm sure." Jaune replied. "They usually put treasures in the ca-"

He tripped, and the torch fell into a puddle of water, plunging everything into darkness. Jaune opened his eyes, and it was the only thing he could see.

"Oh great, I just destroyed the animation budget." Jaune's eyes look around, the sound of something shuffling. "Pyrrha, not now. Leave my clothes on. Hey, stop poking me with your hard thing."

"Who are you talking to?" Pyrrha said as her eyes and blush lit up behind her.

Jaune had a sinking feeling. "If that's you, then who's in front of me?" 

* * *

Seconds later, Pyrrha ran out of the cave, with a giant scorpion crashin through the cave's entrance. Jaune was hanging onto the scorpion's tail for dear life. "How does a scorpion fit into a fairy tale!"

"It's probably a fable!" Pyrrha shouted back, drawing out her spear. "Don't worry, I'll catch you-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAA-"

_Now playing: Angry Birds in Space. Watch as the blue bird is flung out of orbit, screaming like a girl as it continued to fly off the screen. There was another bird in line, but she decided to quit the game._

* * *

"Ruby?" Yang looked around as the screaming continued.

Blake looked up. "That her?"

"AAAAAAAH!" Ruby took a deep breath as she continued to fall from the sky. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"


	8. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

_((Slen D. Man- Eh, I don't really know people on the internet._

_LadWatcher- Oh yeah, that was a boss. But a quick search on the next showed there was a lesson-type story about a scorpion riding a turtle.))_

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ruby was screaming from the top of her lungs as she continued to fall from the sky.

* * *

**Five minutes earlier...**

Ruby was riding on something fast and black. _"I can show you the world-"_

"Ruby..."

_"Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, princess-"_

"Ruby."

_"Now when did you last let your heart decide?"_

"Ruby! How can you be singing at a time like this?" Weiss shouted, also riding the same thing. "How are we even up here?"

"Don't worry how we got up here!" Ruby shouted back. "I always find singing Disney songs makes things better! You should try it!"

"Fine!" Weiss began to sing. _"Let it go, let it go. Can't hold i-"_

Weiss just noticed Ruby was gone. "Huh, I feel better already."

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAA_OOOOOOOOOOH!"_ Ruby fell in slow motion, slow enough to see the fear on her face. Then Jaune crashed into her. _"OOOF_FFPH!"

"Did he just fly into your sister?" Blake asked.

Yang shrugged. "Well, he was flying in an 'Ar-"

An Ursa ran into the ruins, only to be blasted in the back. Nora poked the bear. "It ran out of gas."

"Nora...slow down..." Ren caught up with Nora...or rather the bear she was on. Nora was now at the chess pieces, and she picked up a Rook.

**_"I'm Queen of the Castle! I'm Queen of the Castle!"_**

Blake just had to ask. "Did that girl just ride in on a bear?"

Yang opened her mouth. "Well, it was 'beary' fa-"

Then Pyrrha ran into the clearing, chased by the giant scorpion.

Blake couldn't help but notice the scene. "Did that girl just run all the way here with a scorpion on her tail?"

"Well-"

"Yang!" Ruby ran up to her sister.

"Nora!" Nora popped up between them.

"Enough!" Yang burst into flames. "I forgot to do a joke last chapter and I haven't gotten one in yet! Is there anyone else who's going to interrupt me?"

"Weiss." Ruby pointed out. Yang's head pointed down as Blake pointed up.

"No amount of Disney songs are making me feel better!" Weiss screamed as she hung onto the giant bird's talons.

Everyone looked up. It was Ren who decided to point out the obvious. "She's falling."

Jaune managed to untangle himself from the tree he crashed into and jumped out to catch her. Only to fall onto the ground, and for Weiss to fall on him. "Ow..."

"Serious, how do you get the girls to fall for you?" Weiss asked.

"Well, you 'fell' for him!" Yang finally got a joke out. "Man, I needed that."

Then Pyrrha skidded to the ground. Yang remembered now. "Oh yeah, two giant monsters. How are we going to stop them?"

"We don't." Weiss reminded them. "We just need to grab the relics and get out."

"Sounds like a plan." Jaune grabbed a Rook and Ruby took a Knight.

* * *

"And you four are going to be named Team Cardinal, which is not named after you, Cardin." Ozpin rewarded the four knights on stage. "Thank you for showing that the teleporting bits on the chess pieces are broken and for getting back on foot. Now, next is Team Coffee..."

* * *

"How did I end up here?" Ruby ran away from the Deathstalker Scorpion. She was fast enough to outrun the giant insect. Unfortunately, she was not fast enough to avoid the Nevermore raven's gigantic feathers as one managed to pierce her cloak and pin her to the ground.

"Ruby!" Yang ran towards her, but the Nevermore's barrage forced her to slow down, and the Deathstalker caught up to Ruby, its stinger ready to strike her down.

"Is this...the end?" Ruby saw her life flashing before her eyes. _A time when she wore thick glasses and traveled with two stupid dogs. And then she was eaten by a woman who turned into a frog. "_Wait a minute, I thought grandma wolfed me down, not croaked."

"This is not the time for jokes!" Weiss said, having just created a wall of ice that the scorpion's tail was stuck in.

"Weiss?" Ruby could not believe the girl saved her. "Does that mean we're friends?"

"No, I just realized that if you're dead, I won't get ten-thousand lien from you." Weiss admitted. "But it's more about money or grades or what kind of guys we like. I suppose it's human nature that we care for each other, and we've gone too long with caring for ourselves. Perhaps Beacon isn't preparing us to be the best Hunters, but to be the best Hunters together."

Blake shifted. "That's nice, but the scorpion's escaping."

Indeed, the Deathstalker managed to free itself.

"Oh." Weiss grabbed Nora and jumped away as the rest of the people made their way to the bridge. However, the battle caused part of the bridge to fall, separating Jaune and Nora from the others.

"Alright, let's do this." Nora prepared herself.

Jaune looked down at the gap. "How? The chance we have of crossing this gap alive is 32.33 percent, repeating..."

**"NORAAAAAAAAAAAAA JENKINS!"** Nora swung her hammer down at the bridge, flinging Jaune and then herself across the bridge. She managed to strike the Deathstalker, but she accidentally knocked Blake off the bridge.

"Goddamnit Nora!" Blake threw her whip and swung over to where Ruby, Weiss and Yang were fighting. "So yeah, I like your team better."

They prepared their weapons, ready for battle.

* * *

Back with Jaune's team, they rushed at the Deathstalker, managing to block the creature's claws as Ren shot at its tail. However, the Deathstalker struck him into the ruins back on the land, and at this time, Jaune noticed that its stinger was dangling. "Girls, Avengers assemble!"

"Captain Ameri-thingy!" Pyrrha threw her shield, which caused the stinger to fall on its head.

"Nora SMASH!" Nora drove her hammer onto the stinger, driving it further into the Deathstalker's skull. "Thor smash too!"

Nora pushed herself into the air and delivered another blow onto the scorpion. Nora, Jaune and Pyrrha managed to get off the bridge before it collapsed, and Ren finally caught up with them. "I...am...Ironman..."

After Ren collapsed, an explosion erupted, signifying that the Deathstalker finally died. And then they took a look at Ruby's team.

* * *

Blake and Yang held the whip, and as Ruby landed on the elastic part, Weiss pulled it back with her glyph. "Can you hit it?"

"Yes I can!" Weiss released Ruby.

_The red bird flew...and hit the cliff, completely missing the pigs. "Weiss! You missed!"_

The Nevermore looked like it was laughing at them. This did not please Weiss.

_A can of tuna was launched from the slingshot...and this called forth the Almighty Eagle to crush its enemies. And the red bird. "Oh no!"_

* * *

"Well, then, you all managed to get back here in one piece." Ozpin admitted as Team Juniper stood in front of them. "By now, you should have realized that you guys are sorted into teams based on who you partnered up with and the matching chess pieces each pair picked up."

"Huh? You never said that." Jaune realized.

"And for that, you'll be the leader-slash-first person they blame." Ozpin moved on. "Now, Team Ruby is going to be led by Weiss Schnee."

"Yes!" Weiss squeed.

"But since I can't give a Schnee-Delite bar to the writers, I have to stick the leader role back to Ruby."

"No!" Weiss shrieked.

"Yes!" Yang yelped as she hugged her sister. "Way to go!"

Ozpin took a sip of his coffee. "Well, I suppose that's enough excitement for one episode. Now you can sleep in your actual dorms without worrying about any sinister plots."

* * *

"Yes, your sinister plot should start before this season ends." Roman Torchwick hangs up the phone. A masked man enters his room. "Here's your payment."

Roman hands some Schnee-Delite Bars over to the man, and in turn, Roman opened up the case. Rows upon rows of jewels a.k.a. crystallized dust laid before him.

"Oh, I know what to do with this." He smirked.

_'Cause I got high_  
_'Cause I got high_  
_'Cause I got high_


	9. WoW

_"Hi Ho!"_

_"Hi Ho!"_

_"Hiiii-_

**PFWWEEEEEEEET!**

"Gah!" Weiss jerked awake as Ruby blew her whistle. "What's your problem?"

Ruby was already dressed and ready to go. "My problem is that this abridged series needs to be more abridged! There's no time for morning routines!"

"Done decorating!" Yang and Blake grabbed Ruby as the girls looked at the redecorated room. One could tell that each side of the room had a distinct personality, and Weiss did have to admit that one of the paintings met her expectations. Apart from the stitched curtain and the pile of beds in the center...

"I think you forgot an important detail." Weiss pointed out, now dressed in her school uniform.

Ruby thought so too. "Yeah, I think we need a bear rug here..."

"I mean the beds." Weiss deadpanned.

"Just use a basket." Blake suggested.

"Maybe we'll take another bedroom." Yang pointed out.

Ruby gasped. "Or we can make bunk beds!"

Weiss huffed. "I won't do that just because you're the leader."

"Majority rule." Ruby pointed out.

_Blake: Yes. Yang: Yes. Weiss: No._

"Majority suck." Weiss decided as the four quickly worked on their beds. They stepped back as they saw their work: one bunk bed held up by books and another handing by ropes. "Who's on the bottom anyway? They'll have to deal with dangling feet and falling be-"

"No time for questions!" Ruby plopped down with a book. "Now, the first class is going to start in a few seconds, so we'll insert a transition here-"

"What is this, an anime?" Weiss shouted. "We got to get there! On foot!" 

* * *

A few seconds later...

Ozpin and Glynda watched Team RWBY and JNPR run to class.

* * *

The first class of the day was Professor Port's Grimm Studies. Various diagrams of monsters littered the back of the wall, and an ax-gun hung over his head. The scene slowly shifted to a forest as Port began his lecture.

_"Back when I was a wee lad, all I had on me was my trusty gun and a ration of bread."_ Cue a Warcraft-Dwarven Port eating on the ground. He got up and headed through the woods. _"And after I ate the bread, I headed deep into the forest. There were bandits, Grimm, things I could shoot and loot, but I had a bigger prize, one that had devastate every young hunter that crossed its path. It's name...was **Hogger**."_

"You were not prepared!" A random boy just realized he sprang that joke at the wrong time and sat down.

Weiss ignored that boy and tried to pay attention to the lesson. However, she got distracted when Ruby was drawing something. Ruby held it up, and everyone snickered at the words **"Forest Merely Setback"**. Weiss was not amused.

"And so, with Hogger bound in chains, he was sent to prison where he would held accountable for his crimes. Until he tried to escape again, but that story is for another time." Professor Port concluded his lecture. "Now remember, a Hunter must be balanced."

Ruby balanced a book on her head.

"A hunter must be aware."

Ruby was sleeping.

"And a hunter must especially be respectful."

Ruby picked her nose. Weiss was really not happy with her.

"So, who's going to prove themselves a hunter today?"

"I will!" Weiss raised her hand.

"Excellent!" Port replied as he revealed a cage with glowing red eyes in it. "Now, let me load up your challenge."


	10. Evil Cheerleader

_((Alright, I think after writing the previous Episode 10, that's when I shifted the thing into a serious thing. So hopefully this rewrite should help.))_

* * *

Now Loading...In the meantime, see Blake waving a little flag.

Weiss quickly leapt at the pig creature, killing it with a swift thrust. She took a moment to catch her breath.

"Well, that was quick. Good job, Miss Sch-nee." Port applauded her.

Weiss had no words for her team as she got up and left the classroom.

"Weiss?" Ruby chased her into the hallway. "Weiss! What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Weiss turned around. "Your plans are wrong."

"B-but I told you where to hit the boar." Ruby said.

Weiss huffed. "Oh, was that before or after the plan with the dinosaur?"

The plan could best be described through a snapshot of Ruby and Weiss riding a raptor with hats.

"...It would have caught him off guard." Ruby weakly replied.

"Damn it Ruby! You're treating this like...like some sort of game!" Weiss ranted. "You think just because you're the youngest student to attend Beacon and you fought a master thief means you can just command respect over everyone who worked hard to get into this school?"

Ruby was taken back. "I don't lord it over you. As your leader-"

"You just used the leader card!" Weiss turned to leave. "Gah! The Headmaster must have been high to make you a leader."

Ruby was alone in the hallway, reviewing Weiss's words. She couldn't help but feel that Weiss was right. "Did Mr. Ozpin make a mistake in choosing me?"

"You tell me." Ozpin replied.

* * *

Weiss made her way to the balcony. The sun was setting. "Wow, Professor Port's lecture took up the whole day."

"Yes?" Port asked.

"N-not that it's a bad thing." Weiss quickly complimented him. "Say, do you think I'm a good huntress?"

"Miss Sch-nee, everyone in Beacon has to meet a certain standard." Port pointed out. "But I bet you've got a lot of exclusive training since you are the Sch-nee heiress."

"Then do you think I would have made a good leader for my team?" Weiss asked, hope in her eyes.

Port frowned. "No."

"Why?"

"Because it's easier to choose the leaders base on the first letter of the team name." Port confessed.

Weiss was not pleased with his answer. "Really? How about if I give you a Sch-nee-Delite Bar?"

Port decided to set things straight. "Miss Sch-nee, have you ever watched cartoons?"

"Wha-" Weiss was surprised by the question. "A few..."

"And you've seen cartoons in a school setting." Port continued on.

"Yeah..."

"So you've seen the roles that rich and popular girls play in those cartoons." Port concluded.

Weiss realized it too. "Omigosh! I'm, like, an evil cheerleader! I can't be a Huntress with that kind of reputation."

"Exactly." Professor Port smirked. "So, are you still going to give me that bar?"

* * *

Back in the dorm, everyone was asleep except for Ruby. She was busy writing in her book. Just when her eyes are about to droop, Weiss came in. "Hot cocoa?"

"Thanks!" Ruby accepted the beverage. "So, you're not mad about..."

"No, there are just some things that are more important than a stupid title." Weiss admitted. "Being the sidekick or the straightman has some perks too."

Ruby accepted that. "That's great! But Ozpin just told me that being a leader bore a lot of responsibility..." 

* * *

_"Blah blah blah, insert speech of responsibility." Ozpin lectured Ruby. "Oh, and people will blame you if things go wrong."_

_Ruby stared at him._

_"Don't worry, I'm sure they won't blame a cute face like you." Ozpin assured her._

* * *

"Forget what he said, we're behind you." Weiss told her. "You just lead your team, and your team will lead you into victory."

After she left the room, Ruby looked down back at her book and smiled. "Wow, she sounded so badass."

Weiss peeked back through the door. "By the way, I elected myself as den mother. Now go to sleep, it's past your curfew!"

Ruby whined. "But _mooom_! What happened to your lesson?"


	11. Stuff Time

Jaune was down, his shield discarded and his sword useless. His opponent, Cardin Winchester, stood over him. "Jauney-Boy, do you know what time it is?"

Jaune hazarded a guess. "Adventure time?"

Cardin raised his mace. "It's Goofy time!"

"No Dad! No!"

"Alright, enough with the jokes." The room brightened up, revealing that this was a training stage. Glynda looked over her reports even though the two displays at the corner showed that Cardin had a full green bar and Jaune had a depleted red bar. "Jaune, what the hell? Cardin is the kind of guy that looks like a mook. If our animation budget was lower, he would be demoted to one of these shadowy people."

"Hey!" Cardin heard that.

"Onto a different matter, there's a tournament coming up. Yes, it's going to be run by Monty, but people want to see an actual fight, even if it's one-sided." Glynda glared at Jaune. "So I recommend you actually train for it."

Obviously, Jaune was not happy with this.

* * *

"Fumofuu!" Nora muttered, her face covering the whole screen. 

* * *

"What are you doing?" Ren asked as Team RWBY and JNPR ate breakfast together.

"I'm trying to do that one anime intermission thingy." Nora said.

Ren was tempted to shrug. "I'm sure people have forgotten about it already."

Jaune did not seem interested in the conversation. In fact, he was not interested in breakfast. Naturally, Pyrrha was concerned. "Jaune, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, nothing's bothering me." Jaune still looked bothered.

"Yeah right. You got your ass kicked by that guy." Ruby pointed out a commotion at another table. It seems like Cardin Winchester and his team were picking on a bunny girl.

"Yeah, someone should stop his bullying." Jaune looked around, seeing that the girls were staring at him. "Wait, me? You sure that's a good idea?"

"Don't worry, it's not like he can get away with things."

* * *

_Cardin chops Jaune's book out of his hands._

* * *

_Cardin kicks Jaune in his little Jaune._

* * *

_Cardin stuffs Jaune in a locker._

* * *

_Cardin presses a button on Jaune's sheath, making it expand and wedge itself in the doorway._

_"You were wrong!" Jaune whined as he falled to get through his shield. "So very, very wrong!"_

* * *

Jaune looked around. "...At least he's not picking on the bunny anymore."

Blake took one look at him. "Fail."

"Cheer up!" Yang said. "This is your 'arc', Arc. I bet by the end of all this, Cardin will actually respect you."

Cardin grinned as he looked over at their table.

"Uh, no." Jaune got up and left. "I think I'll wait until he bullies someone else."

Cardin continues to smile at him.


	12. Two Episodes, One Chapter

Jaune was in a place called Forever Falls, which was an absolutely different place than the other forest. More specifically, Jaune was in Forever Falls getting beat up by Cardin and his team.

_'How did I ever end up in this mess?'_ He wondered.

* * *

**After the previous episode...**

Pyrrha joined Jaune on the roof. "So, ready for another night of training?"

Jaune sighed. "Listen, Pyrrha, I've been thinking, and...I don't think I deserve your attention."

"Why not?" Pyrrha asked. "I mean, you are still learning how to use your Aura, but you must have impressed Beacon a lot if you got in without-"

"I snuck in." Jaune blurted out.

**DRAMATIC**

Pyrrha stared. "What."

"I faked my transcripts. I was so overburdened with the rest of my family being heroes that I sorta cheated my way in." Jaune admitted. "Guess you hate me for becoming the leader."

"No, I don't." Pyrrha recovered her cool. "I mean, if you could fool the teachers of this school, all that shows is a better mind."

Jaune did not expect that. "Well, I also have a crush on Weiss...and not because her family makes those Schnee-Delite Bars."

**DRAMATIC**

"I'm willing to share." Pyrrha pointed out.

"I...like to wear pretty dresses?" Jaune tried once more.

**DRAMATIC**

"That's...a common thing back home." Pyrrha blushed. "Why are you telling me all these things?"

"Well, it's just..." Jaune struggled with the words. "I like the nightly 'training', but it always leaves me tired and unfocused in the morning. I just want to focus on school. I just want...some me time."

Pyrrha panicked. "Jaune, i-if it's school work you need, I can help you study!"

"Just leave me alone!" Jaune screamed.

"I wo-"

"For a Schnee-Delite Bar!"

Pyrrha could not believe her leader said that. "Fine, if that's what you want..."

Jaune watched his partner walk away. "I hope I made the right choice."

**DRAMATIC**

"Who keeps playing that dramatic piano music?" Jaune looked around.

**SINISTER**

"Oh man, you are just full of surprises, Jauney-Boy!" Cardin walked up and laced his arm around Jaune. "Don't worry, I know that chocolate bar's not going to last forever, so let's be bros, shall we?"

* * *

**The next episode...**

Ren filled up a jar of red sap from a tree and handed it to Nora.

Glynda looked around at the group. "Alright, you'll be collecting red sap from these trees. Just don't drink them or you'll break into spots. Understand?"

Ren was about to hand another jar of red sap, though he sees Nora, an empty jar, and lots of polka-dots on his partner.

Meanwhile, Jaune carried a lot of jars filled with red sap. "Alright, I got the sap. What are we doing now?"

Cardin looked over at a distance. He sees Pyrrha busy milking a tree for sap. "You heard the witch doctor. When she gets drenched, she's gonna break out in spots, and she won't think she's pretty. And when she thinks she's not pretty, she's not going to seduce you with her body."

"Oh...I guess that makes sense..." Jaune heard buzzing. He looks over and sees a box making the noise. "What's making that sound?"

"They're just toys." Cardin said.

Jaune's eyes widened. "Those aren't toys! They're bees!"

"Alright, they're bees! Canon it!" Cardin made Jaune grab a jar. "Now, you're going to do it, and you'll love it because you'll get a Schnee-Delite Bar!"

Jaune thought about it. A Schnee-Delite Bar was very delicious. "Schnee-Delite..."

But as he looked down, he saw Pyrrha smile. "I won't."

"Fine, how about two Schnee-Delite Bars?" Cardin offered. "Three?"

"**NOT EVEN FOR A FACTORY!"** Jaune threw his jar...at Cardin, who was wearing armor and not breaking in spots.

"...Do you know what time it is?" Cardin growled.

"Er, Goofy Time?" Jaune weakly guessed.

Cardin moved in at him. "Goof Troop Time."


End file.
